I AM NORMAL!!!!
WARNING: This is a really long and incoherent post. Ignore if you don't have the time to waste.
I had a really strange dream last nite. M has come up with a script and she wanted me to read through. But thats all I did. I just read through it. No changes...not comments...it was a "normal" movie script. M complained that I didn't want to help her with her script. Its not that I didn't want to help...its just that I am...normal.....I've been drained of all my creative juices. When I woke up, the dream didn't seem all tha fake. Its true. Ever since Moishii went on holidays, I've been trying to lead a "normal" life. No more trying to screw people over, no crazy stunts to embarrass people, I stopped doing things just for the sake of doing it. I was in the car with M when I had the sudden urge to scream out of the car window like I used to do. But I just couldn't do it. I haven't done that in close to 4 months and I don't have the confidence to scream out of the window and abuse people anymore! M just didn't bring out that side of me. I need inspiration from Moishii! Let me give you an example of a typical day out for us...
Moishii will come pick me up before we go out. As usual, he's running 30mins-1hr late. I jump into the car and start abusing him for being late. I call him a jackass, he calls me a jacktit, I call him a dickhead, he calls me a slut. Whilst arguing, we would usually have a near miss with the surrounding cars cos Moishii probably drove right over a round about. That or I will get whiplash from him speeding over a speed hump. When we finally arrive at where we are going, lets say, glebe markets. We will make a dash for the nearest stall, he would grab something and drop it or break it so we end up paying god knows how much for a broken piece of crap before we move onto another stall where I see 234723947 things I want to buy. He snatches it off me saying I don't need it, I hit him and grab it back saying I need to buy it, he screams at me saying we have a mortgage and then I scream back saying I want a divorce. The abuse continues whilst I pay for the item and move to another stall. The cycle repeats until we're hungry.
Since we're at the glebe markets, the menu will generally be Gozleme (Turkish pancake type thing filled with spinach and cheese and chilli beef with a squeeze of lemon juice! MmMmMMMmm) We would sit at the park to eat our lunch only to be surrounded by a pack of hungry dogs. We move seats. The dogs follow us. Moishii drops his food cos of his clutziness. The dogs dash over to fight over the food. Moishii freaks out, ditches the food and we make a run of it whilst getting sauce all over us. I scream at him saying he owes me a new top, he'll tell me to shut up or he'll slap my t*ts.
We go buy our tickets to a movie. Not just any movie. We don't like watching blockbuster movies. We go for things like "Dead alive" or some shithouse zombie horror movie. We sit in the cinemas bursting out laughing at anything and everything. Some guy dies, we laugh. Some chick cries, we laugh. Theres a bomb, we laugh. We walk out of the movie and start yelling at each other.
"WHAT THE FARKKKKKKK WAS THAT ABOUT?!"
"YOU SCREWED ME OVER! YOU MADE ME WATCH THAT SHIT HOUSE MOVIE!"
"IT WAS YOUR IDEA!"
"NO ITS YOUR IDEA!!"
*mad round of slapping*
We walk into a coffee shop whilst abusing and slapping each other. We start arguing at the cashier about what to order. He'll order me an ice mocha with triple shots of caffiene whilst he gets an iced chocolate with extra extra extra extra chocolate. The cashier thinks we're joking and tries to order us a normal coffee only to be abused by the both of us. We finally get out drinks. We sit down and calmly drink our coffees. One of us bursts out laughing so we both start laughing. We have no idea what we're laughing about but we just keeping laughing. This is when the script ideas come out. We're gonna bury cherry alive and cover her grave with kidneys and krispy kreme icing. But then we dig her out and put her into a come and revive her by feeding her KK icing whilst playing "Sex bomb". After aout an hour of laughing, we would leave and drive around aimlessly. We tend to end up at Kings Cross and Moishii will pull out his video camera and we'll start filming prostitutes. After an hour of filming, we would finally go home. He would tear into my street, drop me off and beep his horn whilst speeding away and nearly hitting all the cars parked on my street.
*Note: All things described above are based on real events.
That compared to my current life. I work, I go to the gym, I go home, I irc for awhile and I sleep. I've also started doing granny stuff like quilling and knitting and of course, my knitting. I've become....."normal". Its exactly 3 weeks before I fly off to Istanbul...this is my guess as to what will happen...
My flight will be delayed. When I finally arrive, my airport transfer isnt waiting there for me. I scramble around to try and organise a transfer only to find that I speak english and everyone else speaks turkish. I finally find the gyu there to pick me up and I can't abuse him cos he don't understand a word I say. I will get to the hotel only to find out I can't check in because I didn't organise for an early check in when I did (Note to self, call travel agent today). I finally get to check into my room and there is still no sign of Moishii. When he does arrive, he'll be 2 hours late. We dash off to the Grand bazaar and get lost in the 4000 odd shops. We start screaming and abusing each other whilst arguing what stuff we should and should not buy. I try to bargain with the woman but she wont understand a word I am saying. I'll get Moishii to bargain for me but he'll probably say something to her in Turkish saying I'm a whore or something and I'll get throw out of the shop.
We'll end up having a turkish bath where I get throw onto a cold slab of marble and a topless 60yr old woman walks out and starts scrubbing me all over. Oh...you also have to be butt naked for this. No bikinis allows. He'll come out abusing me cos he got scrubbed by a naked man. We both end up screaming at each other.
We will go clubbing with him getting picked up by guys and me being picked up by grandpas. Sleep is not an option. We fill up on strong turkish coffee and fly to Athens only both of us will get horribly lost and end up in the red light district without knowing it. He will get groped by a guy. We will find a market and the abusing and screaming and bargaining happens all over again. Sleep is not an option!!!!!! We catch a ferry to the greek islands after filling up on more turkish coffee. One of us will vomit on the other. btw, turkish coffee is strong and thick and black with no milk...
We will end up in mykonos, the gay capital of Greece. He'll get picked up by a guy and I'll get groped by a chick. Chances are out swimmers will get knocked off by the waves. we both get sunburnt and be in excrutiating pain. We go get so drunk the pain goes away. Most of what happens on the islands will be a total blur.
We end up back in Turkey some how with a massive hangover. We get onto the flight to singapore with his parents where all of us get totally smashed on the free booze. Someone will vomit on Moishii. We land in singapore with an even bigger hangover and we split. He flies back to sydney whilst I go shopping in singapore and have a normal 12hour period with the kids during the entire holiday. I arrive in sydney with another hangover from consuming too much alcohol on the flight. Based on the current schedule, I will go straight to our clients site and participate in a major presentation.
So.......lets bet on the chances of my predictions coming true.....
