One of those days......

Its not a bad day i guess...but its just one of those days where alot of things become clear.

1. I finally realised why i love my job so much. Its cos i hate programming. Me testing programs is kind of my way of revenge on programming. My chance to rip it apart. Thats probably why i am quite "passionate" about testing. Its cos i hate programming with a passion.

2. I fully understand why people discriminate against asians. Its not all asians, but its usually the minority group that gives the rest a bad name. My dad dropping my sister off on this one lane one way street. We started driving out of the street when some farked up FOB asian guy decides to drive his truck the wrong way down the street. I got out of the car and told him in english and in chinese that its a one way street. I even said "you can only drive in one direction on this street". The guy and his daughter and son (??) decided to ignore me and went "yeh yeh" and kept edging forward. By this time there was 3 cars trying to get out of the street. (there was angled parking and the guy was blocking 2 of the cars from moving. This went on for about 5 mins when my dad just gave up and decided to park onto the footpath and let the dickprick pass. That really shits me cos the guy obviously thinks hes still in china and can do wotever he wants. He didnt care he was in the wrong. He didnt care that there were 4 cars plus the neighbours on the street all out yelling at him to go the other way. He was in china as far as he cared and he was going to do wotever he wants. Its fuckin people like him that give other people an excuse to discriminate against us. And i fully understand and agree with them. :T

3. I can't believe how different i am from my parents. After that incident with the FOB, we went around the block and saw the stupid truck go the opposite direction and i said to my dad i should get his license plate number and call the cops. This started an argument with my parents where they were accusing me of being bad tempered etc etc. Yes i was pissed off. But i believe my actions was because i wanted justice. It was at that point i realise how different our beliefs and values were. My parents have the typical asian thinking. If you see something happen, its better to turn a blind eye to avoid trouble. That is what they believe, that is what they try to teach me. Maybe cos i'm a Libra, but i believe in justice. Yes life is not always fair. But WHEN and IF i can do something about it, i will. I am the opposite to what they believe. If i see someone being wronged, i want to help and not turn my back on them. I guess the way they think is all about self preservation and i understand that. But for me, i can't think the same way as them. I always think "What if that me?". What if i was the one getting attacked, and someone who saw the whole thing decided to turn a blind eye and pretended they didnt see a single thing? What if, because of that person pretending not to see anything, that the guy gets off scot free? What if because of that person not saying anything, that the guy can hurt someone else? I don't want to be that person. I don't want to give the guy a chance to hurt someone again. I know i'll probably get myself into trouble one day. But i would rather take that risk then have a guilty feeling gnawing at my insides because i let that guy get away with something. And in my books, thats as bad as the person committing the crime. That is me. That is who i will always be.

4. There is such a thing as being too depressed to shop.

Exhausted....

I'm tired. I didnt exactly do much on the weekend i guess. Usual alcoholic friday (Which i didnt drink much....i can't believe i cant drink 1L of mango beer anymore) and filming saturday. Filming was really good actually. This is probably the first time we had a "proper" cast. Although i am comparing it to HI...enough said. But then we have made a few other short films in the past year. But this is what i would call "Big production". We auditioned professional actors (people who have done actual work like MTVs, TV shows and theatatrical performances). We even had a make up artist on set as well as professional equipment like the boom! IM EXCITED! *Big kev thumbs up*.

The main difference between filming on saturday and all the other filming i've ever done was that i had to be serious. I mean HELLO? ME? I mean no one is stupid enough to put my name and the word "serious" together in the same sentence. It was weird for me having to be all profo and serious and the other crap. I couldnt do my dodgy *record**giggle**shake the camera from uncontrollable laughter*. I had to use a tripod. I had to "pan" the camera and do tight in shots. I was being technical. I was framing the shots. Like WHAT THE HELL?? What's going on?!?! What happened to my "Film now, script later"? I actually have to follow a script and shot lists etc. Maybe that is why i am sooooooo tired! I have spent 3 years making an ass of myself wen we film. All of a sudden i have to be serious. Must be a shock to the system. Could be the fact that we got screwed by a gothic bitch that's got me all worked up. Actually......come to think of it....i got screwed pretty bad this whole weekend. I don't know whats going on hey. I think everyone must've gotten wind of insaness and they want a spot on the blog.

Anyway, i shall get back to work (preparing for more filming) and stare at the screen....I feel like a machine today..... :T

My future...

I was talking to my bro in japan on the phone the other day. He was asking me how work is blah blah and started talking about my work. Although my company is only a medium sized company, i see potential for me. I told my brother that theres the possibility of me managing alot more larger projects coming up. My aim is to gain as much work experience in project management as i can and eventually move to other industries. Today, talking to my workmate, i found out i will be the new "Project Manager" for one of our large projects. I don't know exactly how "Project Manager" i'm going to be. But definetly something to look forward to for the next month or so. Maybe i'll even get a raise or promotion! :D

Last night i had my belly dancing class and already we are planning for our next performance. Currently the performance is going to be held on the 21st December at a theatre in Marrickville. Apparently theres a proper stage with the concert like inclined rows of seats, a court yard and a bar! The guy is also throwing in a sounds and lighting technician!! Sounds awesome to me!!! Looks like we can get the hall for free too! yay~~~ So right now.....i gotta go through my music and pick a nice drum solo fast beat to dance to. Hopefully Enver can learn how to play properly so he can play and i can dance. Although he must go through my teacher for approval before he is allowed to play though! AheaHEAHEa But god danmit...theres gonna be alot of jiggling.. ~>_<~

awwwwwww

Was just talking to a friend and the top of my nephews and neice came up. I remember i talked to my neice the other night. Since i'm rarely home, I don't speak to her on the phone alot. The other night when i was talking to her, i didnt reognise her. She was talking so much i had her confused with my nephew (I know your asking how can i confuse them. But if u've ever heard them singing, u'll know they sound identical). It was then that i realised i've missed a big part of her life. Shes starting to grow up and i wasnt there for her. And my youngest nephew? Well i haven't even seen him yet. :T He's already learned to walk and hes gonna start talking before i even meet him. Now that is sad.

To cheer myself up, i thought back to the conversation i had with my neice:

Me: Hello! is this jessica?
J: its jessica!
Me: What are you doing jessica?
J: Marmeeee buy meee Harlo kitty *mumbles*
Me: You're mummy bought u a hello kitty doll?
J: NooOoOoOoo Marmee buy me harlo *mumble**Mumble*
Me (giving up on hello kitty): Are you eating jessica?
J: Eatiiiingggggg
Me: What are you eating?
J: MarMeeeeeeeee buy *mumble**Mumble**sound of chewing food*
Me: Huh?
J: *Frustrated* MarMeee buy Harlo *Mumble* Cake!
Me: You're mummy bought u hello kitty cake?
J: *giggles**Chewing sound**Drops the fone and runs off to eat more*

God shes so cute *^_^*

My plans.....

Some of you may or may not know that i'm about to help my friend start filming a new movie. I spent the weekend with my friend driving from one side of sydney out to another whoop whoop side and then to some unknown place i cannot pronounce looking for film locations. I'm actually quite excited about the film this time as it seems more..."professional". But then i *am* comparing it to the previous movie that we made. To that, i have no comment. But this time, we have conducted auditions and found people that can actually ACT. And the most surprising thing? This time we have a SCRIPT as well! *ShoCk**HoRRoR* But its all good. I've been busy making props for the movie and doing some research as well. So if most people don't see me within the next couple of weeks, chances are, I am:

a) Studying (MAUahAUAhaUAhaa!$#@$@# HAHAHAAAHahAha!$!@$)
b) Helping make the movie
c) kidnapped by a bunch of cute snowboarders

I'm also going to keep myself busy by learning the zils (finger cymbals) and try and belly dance at the same time. Sounds easy for most people, but since i am seriously uncoordinated, it will take me a while.

So don't think i am snobbing you guys. I've just had a VERY INCONSIDERATE A**h*** book my entire weekend for the next few weeks to film. You know who you are. You owe me $60. And new shoes.

Btw, i drank less than 1L of mango beer on friday. Something is wrong with me. Maybe i am sick and i need to see a doctor. But then i've always been sick. Time to go see my shrink again :D

I've been told....

An incident happened thursday night when we were going to watch American Pie 3 at burwood. We came out of the cafe we had dinner and was walking towards Westfield when a dickface decided to shove Mey outta the way. Physically shove her out of his way so he can walk by. consequently, i decided to yell really loud "DID THAT GUY JUST SHOVE YOU? HOW RUDE! CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT AN ASSHOLE HE IS!!" so that people turned around and stared at me/him. I was actually really tempted to run up to him and make him apologise for being a total asshole. But since there was so many people on the street, i couldn't chase.

I later told this story to a friend of mine who commented that i should watch my temper incase the guy had turned around and deck me in the face. This got us talking. I didn't see my actions as being "bad tempered" in a sense. I guess for me, i hate seeing anyone get pushed around or bullied for no reason. And that shits me. And when it shits me, i gotta do something about it. My friend reckoned i should have kept quiet instead of yelling like that. But then for me, i don't believe in keeping quiet. Alot of people who know me also know i am a complete bitch and know not to mess with me. I'm known to really put up a fight. If i believe i have been wronged, i will stand up for myself. I am rarely afraid to speak what i think simply because i don't see the point of lying by agreeing with something i don't believe in. That is who i am. And that is who i will continue to be. Some people call it being bitchy and opinionated. For me, i call it being assertive. I am sick and tired of seeing people take advantage of the weak, the timid or someone who is simply nice.

Saying this to my friend, an hypothetical question was posed to me. If my boyfriend asks me to change my personality, i.e. my "temper", would i change? My answer? Probably no. That is who i am. I am a bitch/assertive. I believe in standing up for what i believe in. I don't believe in people taking advantage of other people. That is my belief and that is who i am. I know i may sound stubborn, but i see it as asking me to change a big part of my personality. I do believe that a relationship is about compromise. And i do believe people change. But for me, that is not something i will or can change. If i do change, i will not be because my boyfriend has asked me to. In fact, i will hope that that is a part of me that he is attracted to. If he cannot accept that part of me, then i don't think he really knows me and loves me for who i am. Simply put, like it or lump it.

Yes i am sounding like a bitch. And hell, even i know i am sounding stubborn. But that is who i am. Its like asking me to stop doing/saying crazy things. Asking me to change that side of me is asking me to be someone i'm not. If you're talking about smoking/drinking/gambling then yes, i believe that is something that can easily change. Asking your other half to give that up isnt a big deal. Asking them to stop being who they are and stop standing up for what they believe in is wrong. If you are asking them to do that, then you don't love that person for who they are.

This discussion went on for awhile with my friend. Eventually, a thought occurred to me. Maybe its my assertive side that scares off half the guys i meet. I know some guys are intimidated by my strong and loud personality. But then i guess its the survival of the fittest. If they can stand me after going thru all the crap i throw at them, then maybe they are the right person for me. If they cannot handle my personality, then we werent meant for each other. I came to realise that my personality and my scaring off guys isnt a disadvantage. Its more of my way of eliminating people who aren't suited for me. If they don't like a girl who speaks their mind, then i am the wrong person for them. I am not the passive type girl they can push around. I guess don't see how me being assertive is a disadvantage or a "bad" personality trait of mines. I am proud of who i am. I am proud that i am able to stick up for myself when i need to. I am happy to know that when push comes to shove, i'm not going to back away from something i truely believe in. With that in mind, i know i am capable of taking care of myself to some extent. Some people may not like that, but that is who i am. And that is who i will continue to be. Like it or lump it.

I AM FINISHED@#%$!@#$^#$&^#@$%!%$@!*%!_^%@&^

OMG!! I am sooooooo happy!! Just talked to the lecturer and she gave me an exemption for the subject i am taking! That means, I'M FINISHED!!! DONE! FINITO! KAPUT! NO MORE UNI!!!!! MAUahaUahAUahaUahaUAhaUAhaUaha AHeaHeaHEaHEahe OMG! *^_^* Now that i'm finished, i can enrol into my next course @_@ Or maybe not! AHeaheahea The course i wanna do is Masters of Business and IT Management. But that requires 5 years work experience and I only have 1 year of relevent work experience. Maybe i wont get to study next year at all which wouldnt be too bad. Since i've been studying every year since i was in preschool. :T But even if i'm not enrolled in uni next year, I'll still have to do more training for work etc etc. But i don't mind too much since my company is paying for it and i can get industry certification :D I won't inform the uni that i want to graduate this year yet. I'll wait til i enrol next year, get my travel concession card and then i drop it :D No more union fees too!! YAY!!

It was my IT Manager's last day today. Too bad I had to go to uni otherwise i woulda gone for drinks with him after work. Not too bad though cos i'll see him at Lowenbrau. He's the one who intro me to the place. If i am an alcoholic, i blame him. :D And prolly vics since shes always willing to scull with me :D I miss cookies... :( Anyway, i might go watch charlies angels 2 now. Some of Cameron's butt should cheer me up :D

I miss cookies...

Came home last night and automatically turned on my comp. Usually i just check my IRC and ICQ for any msgs left during the day. Last night i decided to check the smh as well. Once the page loaded up, the first thing i saw was the bombing in Indonesia. I just froze in my seat. Most of the night i was hoping cookies would come online from a netcafe which was far far away from the bombing and just pop into irc to tell us shes fine. I smsed her mobile although i kinda knew she didnt have her phone with her. But i msged it anyway incase she did end up bringing the phone with her overseas. Later in the night as i kept checking the smh website for more updates, i noticed there was a Hotline to the department of foreign affairs and travel(?? I think thats what DFAT stands for). Anyway i called up the number hoping to badger the person on the other end for more information but all the lines were tied up. As i as waiting on the phone for someone to answer, my mobile went off with a msg that said "Hi, she's fine". The msg came from cookies mobile. *Phew* I assume she must've called home and someone heard her mobile go off. I'm just glad shes ok. I can't wait for vics to come back. COME BACK SOON COOKIES!!!!

On another note, Belly dancing was good last night. I finally started learning the zils (Finger cymbals) and the cane! The cane is much easier to learn than the zils. I don't think i'm coordinated enough to play them and dance at the same time. Gonna buy a pair on the weekend so i can practise at home. Meanwhile, i got a blister on my hand from practising the cane too much. :T But its great fun and i would love to perform with it one day. Although i think i better fix the end of the stick cos cut the end off and therefor ruining the "tape" on the cane. And when you swing the cane around, it kinda starts...."slipping" out of your hand. Lets just say, some people were very lucky last night to avoid decapitation from me. AND COME BACK SOON CLOOKIES!!!!! ~>_<~

Facts.....

Fact 1

Garlic will explode when roasted at high heat in the oven

Tip 1

Next time a voice tells you "Maybe you should put a foil over that dish" before putting it in the oven, listen to that voice.

Fact 2

Just because the chilli doesn't look very hot, doesn't mean its not.

Tip 2

Never try/taste chilli jam without a fire extinguisher nearby.

Fact 3

Even though the jackets are sale, buying 3 of them doesnt mean you save money

Tip 3

Big large red signs mean trouble. Stay away from any place that contains the following words:
Sale, discount, 50% off, up to 75% off

Fact 4

If you're ever bored and decide to go for a walk to the shops, one of three things will happen.
1. You will the book/clothes/bag/shoes/dvd you've been wanting for a long time on sale and you will buy them.
2. You will see a book/clothes/bag/shoes/dvd that you've never considered buying on sale and you will buy it.
3. You will see ads for a book/clothes/bag/shoes/dvd that you know you will want and you will end up buying it when it comes out.

Tip 4

Stay home and sleep.