Responsibility vs seeing the world

It was my niece's birthday last week. I called her first thing in the morning on my way to work. Which would've been around 7am in Singapore. I must've called a tad early because my sister didn't answer her mobile. However, 30mins later, I got a call from my niece. Apparently she was so excited and happy to know that I called her on her birthday, she made my sister call me back before they had even brushed their teeth/had breakfast etc.

Now some of you may think I am biased towards my niece. Maybe I am. She is the only girl in the family. And with 5 nephews already, having a girl I can dress up and pamper is a nice change. I mean, I *could* theoretically paint my nephews nails, put butterfly clips in their hair and so forth.....but I don't think they would appreciate it, or the kids at school. Its not just because my niece is a girl that I absolutely adore her. Unlike her brothers or her cousins, she shows you affection ALL the time.

If you're unhappy, she would come over and sit next to you and hug you or ask you to play with her. Out of the blue, she would tell you that she loves you. Not because she wants to scam something out of you, but because she wants you to know that she loves you. This would always follow with a kiss. She has always been like that as long as I can remember. The one moment that sticks to me the most is in March 2004 when I was visiting her in Singapore. It was after her swimming lesson and I was helping her brother get changed. She runs up to me and tells me that she loves me. I could feel my heart melt then and there. She is one of the biggest sweet talkers you will ever meet. She is also one of the most mature people you will ever meet. Ever since she was a kid, she understood logic and would reason with you. Most people say to kids that they're not allowed to do so and so. Kids will do it out of fear of getting trouble. My niece was different. She would do as she's told, as long as it makes sense to her. "Because I say so" doesn't work with her, you need to explain to her WHY, and if she thinks its reasonable, she would listen. Otherwise she would negotiate.

I used to go to Singapore atleast once a year to visit them, and they would visit Sydney once a year. This means out of the 52weeks in a year, I usually see her for 2-6weeks. The past 2 times I did go to Singapore, I barely stayed with them. Last year was worse, I was in Singapore for less than 9 hours. I wanted ever spare minute of my holiday to be spent exploring Turkey, and Greece and the US! This year, I won't be making any trip to Singapore at all. I want to save all my leave for Italy in 2007. I was always counting on my sister visiting some time later this year. She had originally planned on coming next week. But with the price of fuel now days, the airport tax and excise etc, actually cost MORE than the ticket itself. The tickets to Sydney were $400, but the tax was close to $500. Thats almost $5000 oh airfares for the family.

I haven't mentioned it before, but my brother and sister in law are expecting their first baby later in the year. My sister will definately want to visit them in Shanghai as well. So it was a toss up between Sydney or Shanghai. Shanghai won. My sister knew I was disappointed that I'm not going to get to see the kids this year, so she invited me to shanghai. Next week. I was so tempted! So very very tempted! Not only have I not seen Shanghai, I am also dying for a holiday! But most of all, I get to see the kids. And my niece can tell me in person how much she loves me. But I want to see Italy. I want to see France, and Spain, and Germany, and England. I want to see the world!

My one regret in life is that I didn't take a year off after uni and travel the world. I guess back then all I cared about was going to Hong Kong, and China and maybe seeing Japan. I am going to blame this on Moishii. I was content with just travelling Asia. Until he invited me along to his round the world trip, which I couldn't afford and I didn't have the time to do. So I settled for Greece and Turkey. This sparked an uncontrollable obsession to see the rest of Turkey, and Greece. And whilst we're there, Italy and France and all the other countries I haven't been to!
To be honest, if I didn't buy my apartment literally 2 days before I left for my first holiday in Europe, I would've started saving the minute I got back and planned a trip all around Europe. But I came back, and I had a mortgage. I no longer had the choice to quit my job for a year and go travel. It is expensive taking these one month trips every year. It probably costs more to do one month every year than to take 6 months off and do everything in one go. I want to travel! I want to see the world! My sister always knew I had this side of me, and she was worried that its going to get out of control when I told her my plans about Italy.

The advice she gave me was not to spend all my hard earned money on holidays every year. But why not? Yes I know I should pay my mortgage off. I know I should save for my next property. I should invest my money in shares and start building a nest egg. But right now for me, all of that means nothing. I have an apartment. So what? I don't relive the moment that I signed the dotted line and became a home owner over and over again. I do, however, relive all my wonderful memories whilst overseas. It was only for a few weeks, but the memories have lasted so much longer. People think you should invest your money into something tangible. Something you can sell for a better profit in a few years time. But why don't people think about investing in your life experience? I don't want to wake up one day, being 65 and finding myself too old to enjoy a round the world trip. Yes, lots of people travel after they have retired, but they would've missed out so much!

They would've missed out on experiences like those that we had in Mykonos. Things like getting stranded in the middle of the freeway at night. Almost getting thrown over a cliff by a psychotic donkey. I think if I was to travel in my golden years, everything will be more.....calm. Or maybe if I just travelled with someone else who isn't a magnet for disaster. But either way, I wouldn't trade the memories I have for anything in the world right now. I want to travel and I want to see the world! But then deep down inside me, I know I can't. I have the responsibility of caring for my parents, and my grandma. I am a role model for my nephews and niece. I have a mortgage and I have a job. I asked my sister why can't I be selfish? I have from now, until I have a family. But then I already know that answer. Because I already have a family that I need to take care of. One side me wants be selfish and travel the world. The other side of my wants be at home being the responsible one, limiting all my travel to my brother and sister and my nephews and niece.

I really don't know what to do. I know quitting my job and travelling for a year is not an option. I know I should go visit my family that is scattered across the globe and spend time with the kids before they grow up. But right now, at this moment, I am choosing to be selfish.