Getting away in style

Its been ages since our last holiday and I'm dying to get away from this hell hole. Oh wait...its only been 3 months since our last holiday.....

God.....what was I thinking declaring we're not going to Mykonos this year? I mean my intentions were good, we wanted to save money and do Italy properly next year. But god was I stupid and niave. So Thursday 5pm, I was out of the office dragging my suitcase through the crowds of people to Wynyard station and quickly hopped onto a train to the airport. I minute I see Moishii, it hit us that we're going on holidays! Oh thank god! We quickly check-in even though we're waaaaaaay early for our flight, but knowing us, there are always incidents waiting for us. With Moishii's 20kg suitcase (who the hell goes for a holiday with 20kg??) and my 15kg suitcase checked in, we shoved people out of the way to look for food. We spot Red Roosters and quickly jumped into the huge queue only for Moishii to stand there screaming something about Mama Leonies and their garlic. FFS if you want pasta, get pasta, just get out of my way!

After scoffing all the food and feeling much better, we did a bit of shopping and eventually strolled to the departure gate. We board and quickly find our seats. OMG We're finally going on holidays!! Within the first 5 mins, the bitch sitting next to Moishii pulls out her mobile phone and has a chat-a-thon with her friend. She used the excuse that she wanted to know the bus timetable when all she was doing was trying to scam a free lift from her friend. Poor bugger. So this woman sits on the plane and has a full on animated conversation for a good 10mins with the air hostess ignore her before she hangs up only to make more phone calls. When she finally decides to shut her trap, she starts chucking this big fuss about her reading light. Somehow, her reading light was not aimed at her seat, it was aimed at Moishii's seat. And it was jammed. So the both of them waves their hands in the air like they just don't care... no...wait, they start twisting and prodding the light, Moishii almost unscrews the entire unit to get the light to face her. After 5 mins of this fussing around, they finally came to the conclusion that the light is stuck. FFS I could've told you that. So instead of reading in the dim light or not reading at all, she shoves her book infront of Moishii so she can catch some light to read. Its a bloody 1hr flight woman, it won't kill you not to read!! Meanwhile, in NY style, a kid a few rows back starts screaming. From our seat, it sounded like the kid was getting strangled!!!

The plane finally lands and we run off to get our baggage. With the video camera rolling ACA style, I walk into the baggage claim area to find our transfer waiting for us with my name on a big card. Why film it you ask? Why the big deal? Because we hired this:



That's right baby.......we hired a STRETCH LIMO!!! HAHAHAAHAHHAAH why possessed us to do that is beyond me. Wait, I do know......the stupid accomodation replied to my email with instructions on how to get there depending on if we were arriving by car, taxi OR LIMOUSINE. So we hired a limo. A STRETCH LIMO. With champagne on ice! HAHAHAAHAHAH So we quickly jump into the limo, the chauffeur (hehehe I used the word chauffeur!!) popped the top off the champagne and pour us a flute full each. We pass him a CD to play for us. The volume gets cranked up, the guy half expects RnB or some techno to start blaring.....instead, what he gets is NUTBUSH!!!

"They call it nutbush, oh nutbush. They call it nutbush city limits!"

hahaha I made a CD of all the classic 80s music! Funky Town, Hey Mickey, Wake me up before you go go is a few of the choice selections of the night. That and Nutbush. Every second song on that CD was nutbush!! So we had our champagne, and we had our music, but we weren't partying. Why? Because it was one of the most god damn awkward things I've ever done! (Ok, nothing beats coffee with Johnny) We were too embarrassed to ask him to put the partition out, so we did the only thing that made sense. DRINK.

Riccadonna Ruby

And film.....

"God I so needed that drink..."

"Needed? You need more!"

"MOREEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

The ride to the airport that late at night took 20mins. In that time, we were taking photos, videos, sending MMS to people and best of all, we finished the entire bottle of champagne. Well I did anyway. I think I consumed atleast 3/4 of that bottle. The Limo finally pulls into the driveway of our accomodation and we almost got stuck making the turn because the limo was so long!

The Limo comes to a stop outside the door and we get out. The minute I step out, I see this old guy standing there gaping at us with his mouth wide open. Who the hell arrives at some crummy run down self-contained apartment in a STRETCH LIMO????? Moishii said that he had the tip business all handled since the guy helped with the luggage. Only he found out he only has a $10 note and nothing smaller. The guy walks up and it was too late for me to pull out my wallet that was stashed full of $5 notes. So much for having the tip handled. The guy saw the $10 tip (Probably not expecting a tip at all) and his face just beamed. Isn't he lucky to have a few moronic customers like us?

So here comes the part we're dreading the most. Because we're checking in late, the reception is closed. You're supposed to rock up, call their night number and they will give you a code to walk into the reception. When you get into the reception, you have another code to put into a safe to collect your keys. Simple, right? Well not for us. Not for us when we're drunk. Someone was walking into the reception at that time so we followed them in. Only to find out we couldn't call the night number from inside the reception. Then we realised we were locked into the reception, we eventually find a lock to open the door so I quickly run out leaving me locked out and Moishii locked in. I call the night number only to be put on hold. Its 10pm at night! Why am I on hold!? After a good 5mins, I finally get through and get the code.

I retrieve our keys without incident. We pulled out the keys along with 2 pages of instructions with the key points highlighted. Without bothering we read the instructions, we jump into the lift only to realise we can't go up to our floor. Suddenly the elevator goes down to the basement, the doors open and 2 girls scream. Thats because theres 2 drunk people with enough suitcases to dress an army is standing in the elevator holding a video camera! Thats right, we were filming the whole process. The elevator goes back up to the reception, and this time theres an old guy standing on the other side of the door. This is when I blurt out "Do you know how to make this thing work??????" He tries to jump in and help, only there was no room for him to fit into the elevator. Apparently theres a key hole I was supposed to put the key into so I could press the right floor. So here I was, drunk as a skunk with Moishii filming me trying to shove the key into the lock. I keep jamming the key into the hole but it wouldn't go in. So I turn around and scream at the old guy "IT WON'T GO IN!!!!!!". He tries to jump in again and use his key, but that wouldn't work (Since the doors were open). He tells me to try again once the door closes. The door closes and the lift goes back to the basement. This time, the 2 chicks are missing. I finally managed to get the floor button to light properly and we're on our way up, only we stop at the reception once again. The door opens, and the old guy is standing there just as the 2 girls from the basement walks in and he turns and screams "OMG ITS PUSSY!!!". Ok I know you're old and probably haven't gotten any for awhile, but you shouldn't be screaming it when you do see it!

We finally get to our level and again, its a battle of the keys. We're outside trying to get the room unlocked and we push and shove and scream and laugh until the door finally budges. The thing weighs a ton! No wonder we thought the door wasn't unlocking! We drag our gear into the apartment, throw open my suitcase, grabbed a bottle of chocolate vodka and poured ourselves a shot each. Feeling better, we grab our cameras and head for the streets. We roamed around the streets taking random photos and found ourselves outside Maccas when Moishii screamed something about an apple pie. So we walk in and walk out with a burger each. Yeah....don't ask. Then somewhere along the line, a guy in a hat came tearing past us in a forklift like thing. I thought it was the alcohol, but no.....we have photos.


So we scour all the local bottle shops and scoped out which shop opened til what time and made our way back to the apartment where we crashed for the night.