I've been told....

An incident happened thursday night when we were going to watch American Pie 3 at burwood. We came out of the cafe we had dinner and was walking towards Westfield when a dickface decided to shove Mey outta the way. Physically shove her out of his way so he can walk by. consequently, i decided to yell really loud "DID THAT GUY JUST SHOVE YOU? HOW RUDE! CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT AN ASSHOLE HE IS!!" so that people turned around and stared at me/him. I was actually really tempted to run up to him and make him apologise for being a total asshole. But since there was so many people on the street, i couldn't chase.

I later told this story to a friend of mine who commented that i should watch my temper incase the guy had turned around and deck me in the face. This got us talking. I didn't see my actions as being "bad tempered" in a sense. I guess for me, i hate seeing anyone get pushed around or bullied for no reason. And that shits me. And when it shits me, i gotta do something about it. My friend reckoned i should have kept quiet instead of yelling like that. But then for me, i don't believe in keeping quiet. Alot of people who know me also know i am a complete bitch and know not to mess with me. I'm known to really put up a fight. If i believe i have been wronged, i will stand up for myself. I am rarely afraid to speak what i think simply because i don't see the point of lying by agreeing with something i don't believe in. That is who i am. And that is who i will continue to be. Some people call it being bitchy and opinionated. For me, i call it being assertive. I am sick and tired of seeing people take advantage of the weak, the timid or someone who is simply nice.

Saying this to my friend, an hypothetical question was posed to me. If my boyfriend asks me to change my personality, i.e. my "temper", would i change? My answer? Probably no. That is who i am. I am a bitch/assertive. I believe in standing up for what i believe in. I don't believe in people taking advantage of other people. That is my belief and that is who i am. I know i may sound stubborn, but i see it as asking me to change a big part of my personality. I do believe that a relationship is about compromise. And i do believe people change. But for me, that is not something i will or can change. If i do change, i will not be because my boyfriend has asked me to. In fact, i will hope that that is a part of me that he is attracted to. If he cannot accept that part of me, then i don't think he really knows me and loves me for who i am. Simply put, like it or lump it.

Yes i am sounding like a bitch. And hell, even i know i am sounding stubborn. But that is who i am. Its like asking me to stop doing/saying crazy things. Asking me to change that side of me is asking me to be someone i'm not. If you're talking about smoking/drinking/gambling then yes, i believe that is something that can easily change. Asking your other half to give that up isnt a big deal. Asking them to stop being who they are and stop standing up for what they believe in is wrong. If you are asking them to do that, then you don't love that person for who they are.

This discussion went on for awhile with my friend. Eventually, a thought occurred to me. Maybe its my assertive side that scares off half the guys i meet. I know some guys are intimidated by my strong and loud personality. But then i guess its the survival of the fittest. If they can stand me after going thru all the crap i throw at them, then maybe they are the right person for me. If they cannot handle my personality, then we werent meant for each other. I came to realise that my personality and my scaring off guys isnt a disadvantage. Its more of my way of eliminating people who aren't suited for me. If they don't like a girl who speaks their mind, then i am the wrong person for them. I am not the passive type girl they can push around. I guess don't see how me being assertive is a disadvantage or a "bad" personality trait of mines. I am proud of who i am. I am proud that i am able to stick up for myself when i need to. I am happy to know that when push comes to shove, i'm not going to back away from something i truely believe in. With that in mind, i know i am capable of taking care of myself to some extent. Some people may not like that, but that is who i am. And that is who i will continue to be. Like it or lump it.